


There's a Monster in the Bathroom

by Kivea



Category: South Park
Genre: Comedy, Humor, M/M, Neighbours AU, Romantic Comedy, Spiders, romcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 13:18:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18873982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kivea/pseuds/Kivea
Summary: “I need your help.”It wasn’t what he was expecting his first words to the guy who lived across the hall would be. But here he was, dressed in his pyjamas looking up into grey eyes.“What, you ran out of sugar or something?”“No, there’s – uh – a spider.”





	There's a Monster in the Bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> Day 7: Free Day!! 
> 
> I'm so proud of myself for managing to do one for every day! I nearly didn't get this one done in time, but I did it!!! 
> 
> This was a story I started a while ago and never got round to finishing. The freeday seemed like a good time to do it.

“I need your help.” 

It wasn’t what he was expecting his first words to the guy who lived across the hall would be. But here he was, dressed in his pyjamas looking up into grey eyes as the dark haired man cocked an eyebrow at his words. Clearly he hadn’t been the only one not expecting this. 

“What, you ran out of sugar or something?” 

“No, there’s – uh – a spider.” 

The look that crossed the other man’s face had his already warm cheeks heating up further. The man’s eyes scanned him from head to toe as if assessing whether or not Kyle was worthy of his presence, or if he was the kind of person you’d expect to be frightened of spiders. He wasn’t, usually, but this was a special occasion. 

“A spider.”

“It’s a big spider. Like, huge fucking spider.” 

“ Uhuh . How huge?”

Kyle gestured with his hands. “Like this big.” 

“Right,” the way he drew out his vowels made Kyle think that maybe this asshole didn’t believe him. “So you want me to what, come kill this spider?” 

“Not kill it, just…take it out the flat.” 

“Don’t you live with someone? Can’t they do it?” 

“He usually does. Deal with the spiders. But he’s out right now, and won’t be back till late, and I really need to shower.” 

“Well, alright. Show me this  _ huge fucking spider  _ then.” 

He’d picked this neighbour in particular because he figured anyone who tried to look cool enough that they wore biker jackets and aviators was probably also the kind of person who’d pick up a spider with their bare hands. Really, he hoped that this didn’t make him lose some of the respect the other had for him. He  _ liked  _ this neighbour;  quiet and normal  who  they never had a problem with. And now he was knocking on his door at ten o’clock at night to help deal with a spider. 

A big spider, but still a spider.  He should really address that. 

“Sorry for disturbing you.” 

“It’s no problem. I love being the white knight to damsels in distress.” 

He spun round to come face to face with a smug smile. “I’m not a damsel in distress!” 

“You keep telling yourself that.” 

“When you see it, you’ll understand!” 

The smirk widened further. “Sure I will.” 

Kyle turned back to hide the flush of  anger and shame. 

He guided the man into his flat – pleased that at least he’d had the sense to quickly tidy up the mess of the living room before he’d gone to get the neighbour – and  into the bedroom where the beast lay. He made sure to watch his neighbour’s face. There was a sense of satisfaction at the way colour drained from the tanned skin. 

“That’s not a spider, that’s a fucking monster.” 

“I told you it was huge.” 

“How the fuck did it even get in here ? ” 

“I don’t know.” 

“It looks like someone’s pet.” 

Kyle rolled his eyes at the dramatics. “Can you get rid of it, or is it too big?” 

“Do you have a glass?” 

“All our glasses are tall. They won’t fit round  it’s  legs.” 

The man shivered. “I  ain’t  using a mug. I don’t like the idea of not being able to see it.” 

“Do you have any glasses that’d fit?” 

“I’m not putting my glasses on that thing. I don’t  wanna  taint them.” 

Kyle grimaced as he turned back to the large creature on the wall and put on a brave face. “I suppose I don’t need to shower. I could just…not.” 

The lack of response had him looking up at his neighbour to see grey eyes staring straight back at him. The intensity of the man’s expression had Kyle’s body grinding to a halt, breathing included. 

“You can use my shower, if you want.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“I wouldn’t wish anyone to have to deal with that. When’s your flatmate getting back?” 

“He’s on a nightshift, so it won’t be till the morning. Usually it’s about seven.” 

“You can crash on my sofa too.” 

“I can’t ask that of you, I’ll just shut the door and open the window or something.” 

“Seriously, if I were you?  I would not spend a night in the same flat as that thing. You want to start charging it rent it’s so big.” 

He snorted at that, but begrudgingly agreed. He didn’t really fancy sticking around, if he was honest. 

As soon as it twitched, they both bolted. 

The pair shut the door with a slam as they vacated the space, Kyle grabbing his keys and leaving the flat without grabbing any toiletries or supplies. His neighbour didn’t seem to care, instead encouraging him to leave fast and pushing Kyle back towards his own flat. He opened the door and they both rushed without a second thought. 

The dark haired man disappeared from the living room to grab a towel, making no comment on the fact Kyle didn’t bring one. He showed the redhead to his bathroom and offered up any of the soaps on the side, before leaving him be without another word. 

Kyle looked around the room, letting out a breath of relief at the knowledge he wouldn’t have to go to work tomorrow looking like a total scruff. He peered at the soaps and bottles as he waited for the water to heat up, snorting quietly at what he found. 

“’Manly Paradise’?”  he popped the cap open and sniffed the contents. It did smell pretty good.  Suited the name.

It was what he smelt like by the time he finished in the bathroom. 

The owner of the flat was nowhere in sight at first. Kyle continued to rub his unruly curls dry with the towel as he looked around the room.  It was pretty sparsely decorated, though there was plenty of electronics strewn about the room. A nice TV cabinet, with a PS4 nestled in surrounded by games, and a 40 inch TV. Down the side there was a small bookshelf and Kyle found his head tilting as he ran his finger down the spines of the books and absorbed the titles. 

“ You having  fun there?” 

He snapped round to see his neighbour standing in the doorway that lead deeper into the apartment.  “Sorry, I – nice books.  John Wyndham. You like sci-fi?” 

“I do, yeah. You read them?” 

“Uh, no, I watched one of the television adaptations for Day of the  Triffids .  Y’know , the one with Eddie Izzard in it.”

His neighbour's lips curved upward.  “Never seen it.”

“It was good. I’d recommend it.” 

“I’ll find it,” his neighbour ran a hand through the black locks of hair before gesturing behind him. “You want a coffee or something…?” 

“ Just some water. If that’s okay?”

“Sure.” 

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to follow the man, but he felt awkward wandering around the apartment he barely knew. Instead he chose to make himself comfortable on the couch and stared at the books opposite instead of poking through each one. He didn’t have to wait long before water was handed to him from above. 

“ Here.” 

“Thanks,” Kyle took it and looked up, seeing the piercing eyes looking towards the TV. He took a chance to study the side profile of his neighbour’s face. “Sorry for ruining your evening.” 

“It’s alright. It’s nearly bedtime anyway,” he said with a shrug. “I’ll…leave you to it, I guess. The door locks automatically when you leave. You probably have the same lock.” 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

“Night.”

Kyle hesitated as the man left the room. He caught his courage just as the door to where the bedroom must’ve been was about to close. “Wait!” 

Grey eyes looked up and straight at him. 

“Thanks.  For this. Again.”

A quirk of his lips.  “No problem, damsel.” 

The door shut to the sound of Kyle’s protests and yelling. 

When he woke up the next morning it was  to his alarm beeping on the floor beside him as he flailed a hand off the side of the couch to grab his phone and turn it off. 

It took him a moment to remember where he was. His eyes were drawn to the books as an anchor to the world. The room was dark, curtains doing a good job at keeping the sunlight out. He pushed himself up and went over to open them and shed some light on the room. 

No one was stirring, or at least it didn’t seem like it. He didn’t know what was going on deeper in the flat. He checked his phone to confirm that it was seven thirty. He needed to get back to his own flat and get ready for work. He folded up the duvet that his neighbour had given him and rested it over the back of the couch. 

When he left the apartment he was pleased to find the door did definitely lock behind him. He wasn’t so pleased to find someone at his apartment door when he got there. 

“Kyle?” Stan looked him up and down, brows pulled together. “Did you…spend the night…?” 

“There was a spider.” 

The eye roll he received promised he hadn’t heard the last of it, but the bags under Stan’s eyes promised it wouldn’t be right now he got the shit ripped out of him. 

\--

“That spider.  It’s in my flat.” 

Kyle didn’t even question it. He opened the door fully and allowed the taller man into the flat. It was much earlier than it wasn’t the last time, barely scraping six o’clock. Stan was awake, barely. Kyle hadn’t seen him, but there was evidence of the man having been in the kitchen for breakfast. No doubt he was eating in his room before coming out to face the world. 

“Do you want a drink?” 

He set about making two coffees, leaving his neighbour in the living room as he did so. He did his best to keep his hands steady as he did so and tried not to think too hard about how he should’ve asked if the man liked his coffee with milk or sugar. Instead he ended up with a tray that had the sugar bag and the small milk bottle on it. 

Stan caught him leaving the kitchen with it and raised a single eyebrow, asking: “Who’s in the living room?” 

“Our neighbour,” Kyle explained. “The spider’s in his flat now.” 

“Right,” Stan drawled out as he crossed his arms. “I’m guessing this is the attractive neighbour from three doors down?” 

“What? No. Who? I mean, he is the neighbour from four doors down, but attractive is a very – that’s a very subjective thing, Stan.” 

“Dude, get over yourself. I can see right through you,” Stan walked straight past him to the living room. “Let me handle this: hey!” 

There was a murmur from within the living room. Kyle held his breath. 

“Milk or sugar?”

Another murmur.  Kyle couldn’t quite hear. 

“Cool – he said black, Kyle.” 

Kyle spun round and headed back in the kitchen to ditch his tray and now rather desperate looking set up. Stan followed him. 

“So, what’s his name?” 

“Uh, I don’t know.” 

“We  just calling  him The Neighbour?” 

“I didn’t actually speak to him that much when I stayed round last night – don’t give me that look, you know that’s not what I mean.” 

“Uh-huh. Sure.” 

“You spend too much time with Kenny.” 

“Do you want me to stay out your way? Give you the run of the living room?” 

Kyle gave him a scathing glare as he picked up the two mugs. 

“Alright, alright.  I’ll stop.” 

“Thank you.” 

He returned to the living room with the two mugs and gave what he hoped was an honest smile as he handed one to the Neighbour.  “Here. Where’s the spider?” 

“In my bathroom.  It must be a spider thing. I saw it move.” 

Kyle tried not to pull a face. He failed. 

“It moves fast.” 

“ I can ask Stan if he can get rid of  it? ” 

“Your flatmate?”

“Yeah, that’s him.  You can stay here while he looks.  Unless you want to take him, I mean, I guess it’s  kinda  weird to let a stranger into-!” 

“Fuck no. If he’ll get rid of it he can do it on his own.” 

Kyle gave an ugly snort at the horrified look on his neighbour’s face, bringing his hand to his mouth to try  stop  it getting out. “I’ll go ask him, hang on.” 

When he found Stan in his room, the man seemed surprised by the request, but agreed to help. He went through to get the keys from the neighbour  and promised not to take too long. It left them alone, not late enough for Kyle to leave the man to sleep on the couch, which meant he had to engage. 

“So, you like sci-fi books?” 

The man looked up at the question with a raised brow. “Yeah, I suppose. Didn’t you ask me that last night?” 

Shit. “Did I? I don’t - I went to sleep pretty much straight after you left the room, so...” 

“I do. Like sci-fi books. I like most sci-fi things, really.” 

“Cool. Me too. I go see all the Star Wars things with Stan.” 

The man glanced over Kyle’s shoulder to where the door was. “He’s pretty...okay.” 

“Yeah, he’s, yeah, we’ve been friends a long time. He’s like a brother.” 

The man nodded slowly. “Right. Good. That he’s, yeah.” 

“Yeah.” 

Silence settled over them. They both reached forward to take a sip of the piping hot coffees. Kyle felt his nerves beginning to rise. 

“Do you want a drink? Of something stronger?” 

“God, yes.” 

He set about finding the fancy whisky that he kept in the cupboard and never drank, fishing it out with two small glasses and putting them on the table. It wasn’t long before they were both reaching forward together again to take a sip of the stronger, burning taste of whiskey. 

“So, do you live there alone?” 

“No, but Clyde’s away visiting his family at the moment.” 

Kyle knew this, because he’d seen two of them in that apartment, and he was pretty sure Stan went to the same gym as the other guy. “It must be nice to have it to yourself for a bit.” 

“Yeah, it is. Breath of fresh air. I like the quiet.” 

Was he talking to much? 

“So, you like British TV adaptations of books?” 

“What?” 

“Day of the Triffids.” 

“Oh!” Kyle gave a sheepish laugh. “Yeah, I guess. It was recommended to me.” 

“Any others?” 

Well if he was being  _ asked  _ to talk. 

He wasn’t very far through an explanation of how he ended up in a rut watching the entirety of Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightly when Stan returned. He had a grave look on his face as he shook his head and handed the keys back to their owner. 

“That thing’s fast, dude. I also think it’s a pet.” 

“You think it’s someone’s pet?!” Kyle was horrified. “It’s  monstrous !” 

“It’s a thing people have. It’s not a tarantula, but a spider that size here? Probably a pet.” 

Their neighbour looked a little green around the edges. “I can’t go home. I might as well set the place on fire.” 

“You can stay here!” Kyle insisted. “As a thank you, for letting me stay at yours last night.” 

“Thanks, dude.” 

Stan was quick to make himself scarce with the excuse of needing to get ready for work. Sure enough, half way through watching a documentary on Netflix about whales, Stan was passing through the living room ready to go to work. 

He only stopped long enough to look at the TV, and then look at Kyle with a look that Kyle easily translated to:  _ seriously, dude?  _

“It’s interesting!” Kyle defended. “We both picked it.” 

With a shrug Stan was out the door. 

He didn’t notice the time until he was beginning to nod off in front of the TV. He startled himself awake and stood, stirring the man next to himself too. It was nice to see the usually stoic man show more expression as he gave a yawn and stretched wide. 

“I’m  gonna  get ready for bed. Do you  wanna  borrow a towel, shower or something?” 

“Nah, I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow. But thanks.”

“No problem. I’ll get you a spare blanket.” 

Once he was sure his neighbour was set up, he said goodnight and got ready for bed. There was something nice in the way he received a two fingered wave as he left the room and a lopsided smile. It put him to sleep in a good mood and promised good dreams. 

The next morning as he was heading to  work  he left a brunch bar and a note to his neighbour on the coffee table as the dark haired man slept. It was a simple note, wishing him luck with returning to the spider-flat. It was a simple gesture that he hoped was appreciated. 

\--

It was just after six when he got home that evening. He was searching for his keys in his shoulder bag when he bumped into his neighbour. He cursed silently as he  realised  he still didn’t have the man’s name, despite having slept on each other’s couches. 

“Sorry, didn’t see you there,” he apologised with a forced smile of embarrassment. “Did you sleep okay?” 

“Yeah, thanks. The brunch bar was nice. And the spider was gone.” 

“Good, I’m glad.” 

“Did you have a good day at work?” 

There a specific way to the way the Neighbour’s voice tilted at the end and the grimace on his face that told Kyle he wasn’t great at small talk. Or maybe it was the fact he’d been brief and precise every time they’d met. He took pity on the poor man as he said: “You don’t have to make idle chit-chat with me, I’m not going to be offended.” 

“I know.” 

He didn’t make a move. Kyle took it as a sign he should probably just answer the question. 

“Work was alright. I’m nearly done for the week, which is nice.” 

“Good.” 

The movement was subtle, but it was enough to pull his attention away. Once his eyes landed on it fully and it registered in the back of his mind what it was, his hand shot out to grasp the Neighbour’s wrist. It made the man look over himself and Kyle heard the sharp intake of breath. 

The spider was there. On the wall. Staring at them. 

“What do we do?” Kyle panicked. 

“Stop talking, it might hear you.” 

“I don’t think that’s how it works.” 

“What are you, a spider-specialist?!” 

“Oh god oh god why is it so bi-SHIT DUDE!” 

The pair shot apart as the spider began to move. Stan hadn’t been kidding, it moved fast, shooting down the wall and between the feet. Kyle didn’t register just how comical the scream that the Neighbour let out was, breaking the illusion of ‘cool, collected boy next door’. They watched as the thing shot down the corridor, straight into a plastic container. 

Kyle’s brows pulled together. A plastic... 

“Gotcha!” 

The lid was snapped closed, the woman holding it straightening up as she held the spider-box in her hands. A sweet girl with brown hair that Kyle knew as Heidi, who talked vegan with Stan and was kind of cute once upon a time. His grip on the hand in his own softened as he processed the scene in front of him and-! 

He dropped his hand, face burning as he turned to his Neighbour. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to-!” 

“It’s fine, no, I’m sorry, really.” 

“It just – I was surprised.” 

“I was also surprised, I get it, no worries.” 

Before he had a chance to embarrass himself further, there was a giggling that cut through their rambling apologies. They turned to see Heidi still there, biting down on her lip as her eyes flickered back and forth between the pair. 

“Sorry to, uh, disturb you guys. I guess lil’ Poisson here gave you a bit of a scare?” 

“That thing is a monster, Heidi, I can’t believe you named it,” the Neighbour spat out. 

“Well, he’s a fishing spider, so it seemed like it fit.” 

Kyle gestured between the container and the woman. “He’s your pet?” 

“He is. My flatmate was looking after him while I was away, and he got out. I should’ve known better to trust  her,  really,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m glad I caught him quickly. Sorry if he bothered you guys.” 

The Neighbour let out a long groan as he ran a hand down his face. It was the most expressive Kyle had ever seen him. “I can’t believe this. I’m going to kill Clyde. You’re never leaving again.” 

“Oh, come on, we had fun? If that helps?” 

“No it doesn’t  _ help _ .” 

“Seriously, Craig. I am sorry.” 

Whatever brief exchange that took place was lost on Kyle. He felt a wave of triumph at the knowledge he’d been given, to rub in Stan’s face when he got home that Kyle  _ totally  _ knew what the Neighbour’s name was. It was Craig. It suited him. 

Heidi left without much fuss, her spider in her hands as she disappeared. The Neighbour turned to him with a bit of colour in his cheeks as grey eyes flickered around the hallway, not quite meeting Kyle’s. 

“I guess she showed us up, huh?” 

The Neighbour snorted dryly, but there was a smile on his lips as their eyes met. “I guess so. I won’t tell if you don’t.” 

“My lips are sealed.” 

Kyle glanced back down the corridor to where Heidi had disappeared, before he looked at his own door. He bit down his lip before he said anything else to the man who was still staring at him. 

“Hey, so, I remember you said you had nowhere to be today, so if that’s still the case, we can watch some more Netflix documentaries.” 

“You show me one of your dumb TV adaptations.” 

Kyle threw a light punch that the Neighbour easily dodged. “Shut up,  _ Craig _ .” 

“Make me,  _ Kyle _ .” 


End file.
